Okay, I’ll start out with a little honesty: this is not the first time I’ve attempted to start a blog.
It’s actually the third.
But, to be as cliche as I can be, the third times the charm, so I have high hopes for this time around. When I started up my blogs before, I didn’t really have a direction that I wanted to go in. I was interested in maybe doing a running blog, or a fashion blog, or a lifestyle blog, or basically any kind of blog that a person could ever consider doing. Which were all great ideas, but only if you have the drive and desire to do it.
And I’ll be honest again: I totally didn’t.
I was a lost soul adrift on the waves of life.
I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what I was even planning on doing, and without any kind of stability in my personal life there (of course) wasn’t going to be any in whatever project that I wanted to start. I knew that I wanted the end goal of an amazing online blog and brand where I could be creative and create a wonderful online community, but I didn’t want to actually put in the effort to get to that point. And, like most logical, sane people know, you kind of have to have that effort to get to the place that you eventually want to be.
But I just didn’t. I couldn’t think about anything that I could possibly have that would end up being worth something to anyone else. I was very down on myself about this, mostly because I was comparing myself to all the people doing what I wanted to do and who were being successful at it. Of course I didn’t think about all the time and work that they had put in to get to a place where I would be jealous of them; all I saw was that they were thriving, and I wasn’t.
During this time, I was at a really negative place in my own life. I was partying too much to avoid all the internal struggles that I had, which led to a strain on my school work and my personal relationships. I stopped caring for my body in the way that I should have been; I gained weight, drank a lot, and overall made myself feel even worse that I already was.
I was a walking, (slightly) breathing mess of crap.
This is not an exaggeration; when I look back at myself a year ago, I’m stunned with how I used to be. To be cliche once again: I don’t even recognize myself. It’s like for about a 3 year period I was a totally different person, like someone had taken over my body and was controlling me the way a person controls a drone. I could see everything that was going on, but I felt like I had no control whatsoever over my own life.
This was completely false, however. I just didn’t have the will to change. It was the same idea as me not being able to push myself to work for the awesome blog that I wanted; I didn’t have the desire to create the awesome life I wanted. All I wanted was an easy fix and for me to be having that successful, happy life that I envisioned for myself. But, again, as any sane person would know, you have to make the effort first.
And after one too many kicks in my ass (that happened to be my own fault) I had the epiphany that “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t be like this anymore.” I had a nice sit-down talk with myself about who I really wanted to be, all the reasons why my life was sucking so hard, and how I could go about changing that.
Now, I’m not saying that everything got magical over night; I don’t know if you can tell, but even the realization that maybe I shouldn’t be such a dodo anymore was quite the process for me. And all the things that I had to do after making that (not) giant leap were not any better or quicker for me to get to. It’s been a struggling process, and it still is a struggling process, but I can attest to the fact that things can be so much better.
Its been about a year since I had that realization, and only about 8 months since I made the first big life change that put me on the right path to where I wanted to go. So I’m still a baby in this. I definitely haven’t gotten to the place where I want to be, but at least I am taking the steps to get there.
And that’s why we’re here. Not so I can blab on about how great I am, and wow, look at this vacation I took, or whatever, but because I am still on that journey and this is the next step that I need to take. The benefit to you, though, is that maybe you can jump through some of the hoops a little bit faster because I have already gone through them for you (to some degree).
We’re here to start a community that is all about trying to be who we want to be, even though we know that it’s going to take some time and personal effort. There isn’t going to be any wishful thinking here; just doing. And if we’re not doing then we’re going to take a second and think about why that is and how we can fix it.
We’re here to have some laughs, talk about some fun stuff, and possibly get some good (and not so good) advice about things that are important to 18-20 somethings (and maybe even other people, there isn’t any kind of discrimination here, I hope other people too). We’re here to have a good time, and to enjoy life in the best way that we can, whatever way that is.
And this is the first post where we can start doing that. We’ll continue onnext week.
Over and out,
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